Let Us Start With The SAFE WORD

As I write these BLOGS I hope that I can assist you with developing your ‘pain and pleasure, pleaure and pain’ in Spanking. Offering advice where appropriate. Today I start with the SAFE WORD.

What is this?

Let me state immediately that SPANKING, BONDAGE and/or SM (Sado Masochism) are activities which must only happen when there is complete TRUST between partners! Any ‘coolness’ or ‘worry’ about joining in by one partner and it will not work.


It also demands a ‘safe’ word.

Whether you are contemplating spanking with your partner or, on a ‘blind date’ the danger is the same. You are offering your bottom without reservation to another person.

It may seem a nonsense but I have had many ladies visit me to test whether they would enjoy spanking before risking involving their partner. Some find that spanking is for them, others after one visit have had enough while for a small number the ‘fantasy’ is the thing. Remember that once the ‘spankee’ has agree to be spanked she is at the mercy of her partner. This is where the SAFE WORD comes in!

Let us assume for the moment that the partners are in agreement and concentrate on the casual encounter.

Visiting a new partner for Spanking or Bondage

I suggest here a number of precautions you can take.

  1. Make sure that a friend knows where you are going – the exact address can be left in a sealed envelope
  2. Give them a CODE in case things go wrong
  3. These days the code can be on a mobile or iphone, spoken or ‘clicked’
  4. Make sure that the CODE is clear i.e. I AM HAPPY or alternatively COME AND FETCH ME
  5. Before leaving home be secure in your own mind how far you are prepared to go with spanking or bondage
  6. Finally be honest and, if you get ‘cold feet’ on the way to the rendezvous contact the Spanker and tell them – do not leave the Spanker wondering what has happened. If they are genuine they will understand!

Now your advance preparations are ready and we start on the definitions and use of the SAFEWORD!

What is a ‘SAFEWORD’ and what is its significance?

At the simplest level this is the special word which, in spanking, bondage and SM, every DOM offers every ‘spankee’ and, at any point in the spanking, immediately stops any further action! In Spanking it is valuable to have it but it is rarely needed as, in most cases, if the ‘spankee’ is not happy they can get up and leave. The difference with Bondage and SM is that restraint is part of the equation which makes this impossible. Thus TRUST is essential and the ‘safe word’ offers an escape! It is a good discipline to always arrange one even if you never need to use it.

In practical terms it must be a word which is outside the normal range of words used in spanking. “Stop!”, “No more”, “I cannot stand it” are not suitable as they are words often used during spanking play, not to deter but to encourage further action, and may have no other significance!

Choose a word like “carrot”, “mermaid” or “rabbit”, in fact any word you can easily remember but which is a word which is outside any spanking or sexual connotation so can be clearly understood to mean STOP.This is essential if trust is to be maintained!

A SAFEWORD gives the liberty to the spankee to say “no, not the cane/strap/birch as much as she likes, to say stop/enough/please no more it hurts without being worried the spanking might stop, what she doesn’t want. She wants the dom to decide and not take a risk to put an end to it herself…if everything goes well!

Knowing only the safe word will put an end to it makes Her/him feel free to express herself/himself without restraint, to let go her/his feelings

In my own case when I meet a client at the door I ALWAYS start with “Welcome! Please understand that nothing will happen that you don’t want to happen but I will continue unless you use your safeword Is that agreed”. Nobody has ever said NO when asked the question!

For more on the SAFEWORD go to the page http://thedisciplinarian.com/bondage/bondage-safeword.php on my website.


Spanking Naked Women – ‘The Pain and The Pleasure’

Spanking” – the definition is simple – “to slap one on the buttocks with your hand or a flat instrument “.


It seems so obvious but the actions involved can be very complex and offer infinite variety to the spanker and the spankee; from the simple ‘across the knees with the hand or strap‘ to more formalised and staged spankings with a variety of instruments



The Disciplinarian website offers you the opportunity to explore whether you wish to learn to spank, or be spanked, or just watch the large selection of spanking videos which are available. As a spanker for twenty years I understand both sides. I am not a ‘spankee – or bottom’ But in learning allowe myself to be ‘tested’. What I am saying is that my site offers you everything you need to know to be a member of ‘the scene’ – top ot bottom!



For the newcomer to spanking we ‘lead you by the hand’ so that you and your partner enjoy the experience. Starting is always a challenge both for the ‘spanker’ and the ‘spankee’. How hard, how long, warnings about the dangers of meeting for the first time. How to develop your expertise. We even offer text pages and short vidoes on how to use each of the main spanking instruments.


Our main business for the past twenty years has been to work with ladies and couples to ensure that they enjoy the experience of spanking. To read more about this go to our booklet “A Beginners Guide to Spanking and Bondage”.


For many people the reality is unobtainable and they have the opportunity to view the huge display of spanking videos we offer you. All of them are spanking videos with ladies being spanked by men or women. The videos are usually set out as scenarios to allow for the storyline. The ‘actors’ are fully involved. These are not ‘play’ spankings but genuine beatings.

How To Spank

This is the most difficult, and yet the most interesting , of all the questions connected to spanking. Plenty of spanking videos and stories, lots and lots about spanking but very little INFORMATION about how it should be performed. If you are a Spanker what should you actually do? Where is the best place to spank? What is the best position? Over the knee or not? Why the different instruments and what is their significance.

The The Disciplinarian website offers the most comprehensive information. available on the subject.

Not only can you find out about spanking in general but there are sequences of pictures displaying the use of most instruments including birch, cane,flogger, hand, paddle, riding crop, tawse and martinet. There is even advice on how to make your own birch. SAFE WORD This is a very important article on the Disciplinarian website. It should be read carefully by everybody, man and woman, who takes part in spanking.

Spanking is inherently a dangerous game to play and the use of the SAFE WORD is fundamental to safe practice of the activity.( If you induge in BONDAGE then it is even more important.)

Why the Safe Word? Spanking can bring out the best a,and the worst, in people. The Disciplinarian points out that when a lady offers her bottom to her husband, or partner for spanking she may be creating a monster like ‘holding a tiger by its tail’ as the author puts it! For some it becomes a superb adjunct to their sex life; while for others it becomes a hell which may become ‘abuse’. Make your choice carefully, which is why The Disciplinarian recommends a private introductory session with a professional spanker to be sure you will enjoy Spanking.

Spanking stories and videos are a surrogate way into spanking which do NOT prepare a lady for the shock of a hand across her buttocks, CRACKING down and stinging!

 It is essential from the outset that a limit is set and this is where the SAFE WORD comes in. It is a word the lady chooses which, when she calls it out, stops all action. Not a word like “STOP” or “NO MORE” as these can be used in the play and misinterpreted. It has to be a random word “FISH”, “BREAKFAST” – in fact a word quite out of context which leave no doubt about their meaning.
In earlier times when visiting a stranger ‘spanker’ the lady would arrange for a friend to wait for ‘pre-arranged’ call to say that she had arrived and all was OK. Now of course the mobile phone has made this unnecessary. There is an article in website of SPANKING PROFESSIONAL called SAFE WORD which you will find nowhere else. which explains the safeguards in great detail.
Many men with wives or partners keen on spanking are not interested in it themselves find the chance of visiting a professional spanker very useful. It allows their wife to indulge and does not put a strain on their marriage as the whole action is ‘impersonal’. Some of the actions of the husbands and partners are very strange and The Disciplinarian comments that he had had husbands (or partners) who just bring the lady and spend the time at a local pub waiting for the call that says the session is finished!. Others have stayed to watch. Some of these have been genuinely interested in learning how to spank so that they can satisfy their wife or partner. A final group have actually enjoyed being spanked themselves with, before or after the lady! In one of his articles The Disciplinarian writes about a lady who saw an advertisement in an OTK (“Over the Knee”) magazine offering spanking and, as she knew that she had enjoyed it before, she arranged a meeting with the gentleman. They met at a hotel for an afternoon session. No preparation and the cane was introduced immediately and, within minutes, she had been caned high and low, above and below the buttocks, and VERY painfully. The man eventually stopped when she was crying out with pain, apologized and said that he had never done any spanking before. He then added that he would never try it again and left.
For the lady the experience was traumatic but eventually she remembered earlier times where being spanked had given her pleasure. The Disciplinarian agreed to meet her and by gentle hand-spanking over several sessions he brought back her interest, and enjoyment. I will write a blog on being a professional spanker at a later date.
There are few websites which offer advice but
The Disciplinarian,
Spanking Professional and
Spanking.org.uk are three

A “Firsttimer” and what she discovers!


Any Spanker has a range of clients of all ages, size and experience and I see myself as a ‘therapist’ who is attending to the needs of, in my case ladies, want to be spanked. You will not find much about spanking men in my pages because these prefer to be spanked – and caned by ‘mistresses or dommes’.It is ladies who prefer men spankers.

 A brief word on the range of visitors. As I said in a previous post they are all ages and sizes. I do not take ladies under 25 as usually their bottom is only now becoming mature enough for spanking – look at the slim young girls in the videos and you can see that few of them have fleshy bottoms which enjoy the hand, strap and cane.


 I also am happy with any size of lady. On I had was 26 stones (165 kilos). Yes that is correct. She used to drive 150 miles from her home once a month for a long spanking session. Eventuallly she finished when she got married. She enjoyed it and I was happy to spank her.

 It is important when first meeting a lady, and long before anything happens, to establish which category the lady comes into. Is she a ‘first timer’ who wants to test herself, has she read spanking stories and videos and found herself drawn by these to try being spanked? Has she been spanked before, and if so what were her impressions? Would she like to introduce spanking into the sex play of herself and her husband? Does he enjoy spanking videos and stories?


 As she enters my house I stop her and tell her that she is entering a bubble where time and morality has no meaning and “Once she enters she is under my control BUT nothing will happen that she does not want to happen. Also that she can say STOP using her SAFE WORD at any time”.

 Once she has entered she belongs to me for the duration of her visit. All of this may seem melodromatic and unnecessary but it does bring home to her what she is doing. She is offering her body to me to spank and is trusting me.

Here is an example of a client who had never been spanked as a child but wanted to ‘test the water’. She had read books and seen videos on spanking and wanted to feel the emotions and pain for real!


 When she arrived I took her into my study and showed her the various instruments which I used and explained that these were graduated in their force. I would work through them as far as she wanted to go and she would be able to stop me at any time with her ‘safe-word’. I would also remove clothing as I saw fit but she could call a halt at any time but at no time would I want her to parade naked before me. She asked several questions about would it hurt and would she be marked but I tried to reassure her that the pain was part of the please and that any marks would disappear within a day or so. She stated that she was now ready.


I took her across my knees and, as I knew how to spank started to handspank her with her dress still on. This went on for several minutes with me varying the strength of my spanks. All the time I was talking to her a frequently massaging her bottom. After about five minutes I lifted her skirt above her waist and continued with my hand-spanking. I had tightened her knickers into the crack in her buttocks so that the bottom cheeks were now uncovered. By now she said that she could feel her buttocks begin to feel warm and the spanks were stinging, although not unpleasantly so. It was now time to test whether she was prepared to have her knickers removed so I slipped my hands under the elastic at the top and eased them down to her thighs. She eased up to help me and made no complaint.

 I told her that I was now going to give her twenty spanks, ten on each cheek with the final ten being hard. If she wished me to stop after this I would do so otherwise I would use the paddle next. She thought for a moment and then said she would like to try it. I told her that I would give her ten strokes, five on each bottom cheek, the last two to be hard. I bent her over the back of a chair with a cushion between her and the top of the chair to get her buttocks well raised. I stood at her side, told her to grip the seat of the chair and brought the paddle down sharply on the left cheek. It landed with a loud noise and made her grunt but no other reaction.padel

 I continued smacking the paddle down and massaging the buttocks after every two or three strokes. Finally came the last two and these were harder and brought out louder cries. I stopped and asked her what she felt. She looked at her red buttocks and ruefully said that she now understood more of what spanking was about. We agreed to stop at that point and she said that she would think carefully but would probably want to come back for a repeat. She was not sure that she would want it any harder or longer at present but eventually she would like to try the strap and possibly even the cane.


The session ended, my lady dressed herself and after a cup of tea left!. She has been back three times since then and now she can enjoy twenty strokes of the strap. Next time she wants to try my ‘nursery’ cane!