As I write these BLOGS I hope that I can assist you with developing your ‘pain and pleasure, pleaure and pain’ in Spanking. Offering advice where appropriate. Today I start with the SAFE WORD.
What is this?
Let me state immediately that SPANKING, BONDAGE and/or SM (Sado Masochism) are activities which must only happen when there is complete TRUST between partners! Any ‘coolness’ or ‘worry’ about joining in by one partner and it will not work.
It also demands a ‘safe’ word.
Whether you are contemplating spanking with your partner or, on a ‘blind date’ the danger is the same. You are offering your bottom without reservation to another person.
It may seem a nonsense but I have had many ladies visit me to test whether they would enjoy spanking before risking involving their partner. Some find that spanking is for them, others after one visit have had enough while for a small number the ‘fantasy’ is the thing. Remember that once the ‘spankee’ has agree to be spanked she is at the mercy of her partner. This is where the SAFE WORD comes in!
Let us assume for the moment that the partners are in agreement and concentrate on the casual encounter.
Visiting a new partner for Spanking or Bondage
I suggest here a number of precautions you can take.
- Make sure that a friend knows where you are going – the exact address can be left in a sealed envelope
- Give them a CODE in case things go wrong
- These days the code can be on a mobile or iphone, spoken or ‘clicked’
- Make sure that the CODE is clear i.e. I AM HAPPY or alternatively COME AND FETCH ME
- Before leaving home be secure in your own mind how far you are prepared to go with spanking or bondage
- Finally be honest and, if you get ‘cold feet’ on the way to the rendezvous contact the Spanker and tell them – do not leave the Spanker wondering what has happened. If they are genuine they will understand!
Now your advance preparations are ready and we start on the definitions and use of the SAFEWORD!
What is a ‘SAFEWORD’ and what is its significance?
At the simplest level this is the special word which, in spanking, bondage and SM, every DOM offers every ‘spankee’ and, at any point in the spanking, immediately stops any further action! In Spanking it is valuable to have it but it is rarely needed as, in most cases, if the ‘spankee’ is not happy they can get up and leave. The difference with Bondage and SM is that restraint is part of the equation which makes this impossible. Thus TRUST is essential and the ‘safe word’ offers an escape! It is a good discipline to always arrange one even if you never need to use it.
In practical terms it must be a word which is outside the normal range of words used in spanking. “Stop!”, “No more”, “I cannot stand it” are not suitable as they are words often used during spanking play, not to deter but to encourage further action, and may have no other significance!
Choose a word like “carrot”, “mermaid” or “rabbit”, in fact any word you can easily remember but which is a word which is outside any spanking or sexual connotation so can be clearly understood to mean STOP.This is essential if trust is to be maintained!
A SAFEWORD gives the liberty to the spankee to say “no, not the cane/strap/birch as much as she likes, to say stop/enough/please no more it hurts without being worried the spanking might stop, what she doesn’t want. She wants the dom to decide and not take a risk to put an end to it herself…if everything goes well!
Knowing only the safe word will put an end to it makes Her/him feel free to express herself/himself without restraint, to let go her/his feelings
In my own case when I meet a client at the door I ALWAYS start with “Welcome! Please understand that nothing will happen that you don’t want to happen but I will continue unless you use your safeword Is that agreed”. Nobody has ever said NO when asked the question!
For more on the SAFEWORD go to the page http://thedisciplinarian.com/bondage/bondage-safeword.php on my website.